The Battle of Portland

I and my friend TD are relaunching a video series that we created way back in the George W. Bush Error … um, Era. It’s called Orwell Was An Optimist. They’re short satirical videos. Think of them as live action editorial cartoons. Why are we doing this? To rephrase Lenin, sometimes you just have to be “as ridiculous as reality itself.”

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You will not be on Mount Rushmore.

“I shook his hand, and I said, ‘Mr. President, you should come to South Dakota sometime. We have Mount Rushmore.’ And he goes, ‘Do you know it’s my dream to have my face on Mount Rushmore?'” (Sioux Falls Argus-Leader)

You will not be on Mount Rushmore.

No building will be named for you. Federal, state or local. No school. There will be no fort.  Not even a single post office will bear your name.

Your name will not be memorialized by any freeway, expressway, parkway, highway, boulevard, street, avenue, road, lane or alley. 

No park, recreation area, historic site or natural preserve will preserve your memory.

The Space Force will not name a starship after you.

No children will be named after you.

Your image will not appear on a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, half dollar or silver dollar. Harriet Tubman will grace our currency. You will not.

You won’t appear on a postage stamp.

Your name will live on only as a curse, a foul aspersion. An epithet for disease. A synonym for disaster and depravity. 

Those honors you will have earned.

Photo: Jo Naylor / Flickr (Creative Commons BY 2.0)